People are responsible for their own deed.
You may have probably heard the famous saying, “Comparison is the thief of joy” and honestly, the more I observe the people around me, the more I realize how true this quote actually is.
I know a guy (actually he is my colleague) who always sees what other are upto. He is indeed very hard working and sincere towards his works. But still he always upset. But why?
The reason is, although he does hard work but he always judges what other colleagues are doing. He always muttering, “I do the piles of work and others are doing less work”. That’s the reason, he always in pain of guilt and sorrow. He sometimes tells me about other colleagues that how Irresponsible they are.
You will see so many people like him, who should be proud of them for being so much sincere and hard working but their habit of judging others, makes them jealous and sad. That is why it is said, Key of happiness lies in your perspective and this scenario i told you, proofs that.
The psychology behind such behavior suggests that the individuals who exhibit it often struggle with low self-esteem, cognitive distortions, and maladaptive defense mechanisms. Cognitive distortions are irrational thought patterns that alter how a person perceives reality, usually in a negative way. Maladaptive defense mechanisms are unconscious psychological strategies people use to cope with emotional anxiety, which ultimately harm them in the long run. By relying on these mechanisms, people find it difficult to address the root cause of their distress, which often damage their personal growth.
The problem is not that he is working hard. In fact, his hard work is something that he should be proud of. But, the real problem is that he is always looking sideways instead of looking forward. And honestly, this is something many of us do without even realizing it.
We compare our salary, We compare our workload with our colleague’s workload. We compare our lifestyle, our achievements, our relationships, our looks, our careers, and even our happiness with other people. To make it even worse, Social media is playing a critical role in this because we are constantly being fed the “best moments” of other people’s lives even without knowing if it is real or fake. Because most of the time the contents we see on Social Media, are just hoax.
Think about it for a moment.
You know your own struggles very well. You know how many times you have failed, how many nights you have been stayed awake worrying, how much effort you have put into something, and how many problems you are dealing with silently. But when you look at the others, you just see what is visible from outside only. For example, You see their promotion, but you don’t see their stress. You see their expensive phone, but you don’t see their financial crisis.
You see them enjoying with friends, but you don’t know how lonely they might feel when they go home. You see others doing less work than you, but you don’t know what responsibilities they are carrying outside the workplace. And, this is where the comparison becomes very dangerous. We just compare our behind-the-scenes with someone else’s highlighted reel. And that time comparison seems very unfair.
The Trap of “I Deserve More”
One of the biggest issue with constantly judging others is that it slowly creates a feeling of injustice inside us. You may start thinking, “I work harder than him, so why doesn’t he get criticized?” “I am more sincere than him, so why did he get the appreciation?” “I do so much work, while they hardly do anything.” And doing all of these, We got trapped into the loop of misery. Maybe, these thoughts might be actually true. There may be the people who are genuinely less responsible or sincere who do avoid their duties. But the question is: What happens to you when you keep thinking about such scenario every single moment?
Does it improve your life?, Answer is “No”,
Does it make you happier?, Absolutely not,
Does it make your work easier?, Definitely not.
The people, you think about, go home and live their lifestyle but what you do? you carry their impression in your own head and keep thinking, which drive you in the ocean of sorrow. Other might not care about you. Because, they are enjoying their life without evaluating other, while you are sitting somewhere thinking, “Why am I the only one working so hard?”
There is the hidden cost of comparison.
You are allowing someone else’s impression to control your peace of mind. And believe me, you don’t have to do that always. Let me tell you about another interesting thing about comparison. There is always someone above you and someone below you. If you earn ₹30,000, you may compare yourself with someone with earning of ₹60,000. There might be possibility that, the same person may be comparing himself with someone earning of ₹1 lakh. The person earning ₹1 lakh may compare himself with someone earning of ₹5 lakh and feel unsuccessful. This is the loop in which, most of the people live.
So where does it end? The answer is, It doesn’t. Because comparison doesn’t have a finish line, it is a infinite loop. If your happiness depends on being better than someone else, you will always need another person to defeat as well. And when you finally think that you have become “better one”, another moment your mind will find someone else who is better than you. That is why real happiness cannot come from constantly proving that you are doing better than the others or not. So rather than comparing with other, You will need to know that you are doing better than you were doing yesterday.
Focus on Your Own Scoreboard.
Imagine, you are playing a game. Would you keep looking at another player’s scoreboard every minute? Answer will be “NO”, Because, if you do that, you will definitely lose concentration from your own game. Life works more like the same way. I am giving you some Mantras to get yourself saved from drowning in the ocean of the despair. Ask yourself “Am I doing the work which I am supposed to do?” rather than asking “Why is he doing less than me?” Ask “What can i do to improve myself?”, rather than “Why are the other being appreciated?” Ask “What can I do today to improve my own tomorrow?, rather than “Why does this person have more than me?”
These are questions which help shifting your attention from comparison to personal growth. And believe me, these are the small changes can make a huge difference in your life in positive way.
Another important thing we need to understand is that our worth is never decided by how we compare ourselves with other people. Because. if someone is success that does not make you failure, both have different time lines. If other are getting promoted that doesn’t mean your work is worthless. Someone else’s intelligence does not make you stupid. And if others are happy that doesn’t mean you will be unhappy forever. See, we all have different timelines. Best example of it could be, Mr. Barack Obama retired from the post of president at the age of 55 while, Mr. Donald trump became the President at the age of 70 for the time.
Everyone is carrying a different set of circumstances in their life. So instead of asking, “Am I better than them?”, a healthier question should be: “Am I the better person than I was yesterday?” This is the comparison worth making of. Coming back to the colleague I mentioned earlier, I don’t think his biggest problem is actually his colleagues. His biggest problem is the story he keeps feeding himself about them. Every time he sees them doing less work, his mind might be saying, “They are irresponsible.” Every time he felt overlooked, his mind might say, “Nobody appreciates the work i do or how much i do.”
Maybe, some of these saying could be true. But when you repeat these thoughts again and again, they start inheriting in you and later this becomes your permanent perspective to see the world around you. And once that happens, you stop noticing the good things around you. You don’t notice the work you completed correctly. You don’t notice the appreciation you received. You don’t notice your own progress. You only notice what others are doing. That’s how a hardworking person turns into an unhappy person.
Avoiding comparison doesn’t mean that you should not improving your work. It doesn’t mean you should allow irresponsible behavior around you. It doesn’t mean you should never ask for fair treatment. If someone is genuinely taking advantage of you, you should address it professionally. If your workload is unfair, you can do grievance for it. If there is a genuine problem, Find the way to solve the problem. But there is a difference between solving the problem and continuously thinking about the problem.
Understand it, don’t inherit it.
Comparison can improve your situation but sometime it can destroy your peace too. So, if something is unfair, take appropriate action and then let your mind move on. You don’t need to become the judge of everyone’s behavior. Happiness Is Often a Matter of Perspective. This is why I really like the idea that “The Key to happiness lies in your perspective”.
Two people can experience one situation in two different way. One person may think, “I have to do everything while everyone else is relaxing. That makes my life so unfair.” While, Another person may think, “I have a lot of responsibility, but at least I know I am doing my job sincerely. I’ll do what I can and won’t be worry about what I cannot control.”
The situation is the same but the perspective is different. And sometimes, changing your perspective doesn’t change the situation — But it changes how you experience the situation. So, the next time you catch yourself comparing your life with someone else’s, pause for a second and ask yourself “Is this comparison improving me or hurting me?” If it is helping you identify something you genuinely want to improve, use it as trigger to push your life further. But if it is only making you angry, jealous, guilty, frustrated, or sad, then maybe it’s time that you must let it go.
You don’t need to know how much work others are doing. You don’t need to know who is earning more. You don’t need to know who is getting more attention. You even don’t need to constantly prove that you are more sincere, more hardworking, or more deserving. Just Do your work. Keep Improving yourself. Speak up when it is necessary. Celebrate your progress even if it is little. And let other people live their lives in their own way.
Because at the end of the day, comparison doesn’t always make your life better. It only makes you more aware of what you think you’re missing. And sometimes, the person, you envy today, may be envying something you have. So instead of constantly looking at someone else’s life and asking yourself “Why don’t I have what they have?”, we should stop and ask to inner-self the question “What if I already have more to be grateful for, than I realize?” That shift in thinking can change everything.
In the end
Because happiness isn’t about having a life that is better than the other’s. But happiness is simply about learning to appreciate the life you already have while working patiently for the life you want. And perhaps that’s the real way to take your joy back from comparison.
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